I want to help people prepare for dating, choose better, have more opportunities to meet other people and date well so they can eventually have the kind of relationship they want. I want to do events/mixers/meet-ups, but I also want to help people who are doing online dating: help them write about themselves, pick good photos for their profiles and utilize the search options and choose better.
Here is what I say to all the ladies who are alone on Valentines Day: please do not ever use these words “ladies who are alone on Valentine’s Day” together in a sentence ever again. Ever. Again.
Valentine’s Day is just a day. It’s just a day of the year like any other. Go. Be happy with the people you love and who love you. See a friend. Read a book. Flirt with a cute boy (or girl). Dance it out. Watch a movie. Have a party. Build a robot. Stop a Zombie Apocalypse. Take over the Earth. Paint your toenails. Eat soup. DO ANYTHING.
BUT DO NOT buy into the idea that a day created by greeting card companies should be more romantic than other day or should make you feel lonelier than any other day. Cause life is awesome. And that (feeling lonely cause of a day) is stupid. And a waste of perfectly good time. And it makes me do things like write ranty tweets. Because FOR REALS? You’re asking me to cheer up women who are alone on Valentine’s Day? You don’t need cheering up. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You are perfect and awesome just like you are. You just happen to be listening to someone who says you aren’t. They are idiots. Ignore them.
Because FYI? A lot of great things can happen to you while you are single.
I came up with a show called Grey’s Anatomy while I was single.
Fuck Valentine’s Day. Go do something with your life.” —
she continues to add to the reasons i love her.
I’m writing this today to let you know we’re listening and to commit to you that we will be doing more to answer your questions, fix any mistakes, and eliminate the confusion. As we review your feedback and stories in the press, we’re going to modify specific parts of the terms to make it more clear what will happen with your photos.
Legal documents are easy to misinterpret. So I’d like to address specific concerns we’ve heard from everyone:
Advertising on Instagram From the start, Instagram was created to become a business. Advertising is one of many ways that Instagram can become a self-sustaining business, but not the only one. Our intention in updating the terms was to communicate that we’d like to experiment with innovative advertising that feels appropriate on Instagram. Instead it was interpreted by many that we were going to sell your photos to others without any compensation. This is not true and it is our mistake that this language is confusing. To be clear: it is not our intention to sell your photos. We are working on updated language in the terms to make sure this is clear.
To provide context, we envision a future where both users and brands alike may promote their photos & accounts to increase engagement and to build a more meaningful following. Let’s say a business wanted to promote their account to gain more followers and Instagram was able to feature them in some way. In order to help make a more relevant and useful promotion, it would be helpful to see which of the people you follow also follow this business. In this way, some of the data you produce — like the actions you take (eg, following the account) and your profile photo — might show up if you are following this business.
The language we proposed also raised question about whether your photos can be part of an advertisement. We do not have plans for anything like this and because of that we’re going to remove the language that raised the question. Our main goal is to avoid things likes advertising banners you see in other apps that would hurt the Instagram user experience. Instead, we want to create meaningful ways to help you discover new and interesting accounts and content while building a self-sustaining business at the same time.
Ownership Rights Instagram users own their content and Instagram does not claim any ownership rights over your photos. Nothing about this has changed. We respect that there are creative artists and hobbyists alike that pour their heart into creating beautiful photos, and we respect that your photos are your photos. Period.
I always want you to feel comfortable sharing your photos on Instagram and we will always work hard to foster and respect our community and go out of our way to support its rights.
Privacy Settings Nothing has changed about the control you have over who can see your photos. If you set your photos to private, Instagram only shares your photos with the people you’ve approved to follow you. We hope that this simple control makes it easy for everyone to decide what level of privacy makes sense.
I am grateful to everyone for their feedback and that we have a community that cares so much. We need to be clear about changes we make — this is our responsibility to you. One of the main reasons these documents don’t take effect immediately, but instead 30 days from now, is that we wanted to make sure you had an opportunity to raise any concerns. You’ve done that and are doing that, and that will help us provide the clarity you deserve. Thank you for your help in making sure that Instagram continues to thrive and be a community that we’re all proud of. Please stay tuned for updates coming soon.
Kevin Systrom co-founder, Instagram
bell hooks in Communion: Female Search for Love (via nepantlera-en-la-frontera)
True shit. We’re taught that if someone doesn’t love us, then we didn’t work hard enough or try hard enough, or we simply weren’t good enough. That kind of psychotic mindset impacts so many young women.
Every teen movie ever.
Each and every one of us has the right to have and enjoy the kind of Love that feels good to us. In all of our relationships. There is really no reason that this can’t or shouldn’t happen.
If for any reason you aren’t getting what you need to feel loved/substantial/valued in your relationship, speak up.
Use your words and be deliberate. Say what you need and say why it is important to you. Make your partner/Other understand that know that YOU know that you matter. Tell them what you need from them and ask them if they are able to provide it. Give them a chance to either deal or not deal,up front. Because that is what it will come down to, ultimately.
Be deliberate. Hold them accountable. Only compromise if doing so is not a burden, but an act of Love that you can FEEL. It should be a gift to yourself. It’s not supposed to hurt.
Insist upon and exercise your right to be Loved the way that will make you happy. Even if you have to give it to yourself.
We loaded up the rented pick-up truck today. After we had to take half of Tee had packed and put it back in her room. She had packed so much stuff. Like she was never coming home. There is no way it would all fit in on the truck my parents rented, let alone in her dorm room.
We are leaving early enough to get her to campus at 8am. She seems ready. I’m not so sure about me. I may have to go live at my parents’ house for week.
Make room for me too.
The day began with Tee thinking she had lost all the gift cards she had received at her party. Turns out she had left them in my parents’ car on Saturday.
The day ended with her finding out she will be starting college with six credits, thanks to her AP classes in high school.
- Me: Everything in this suitcase is folded flat.
- Tee: I know.
- Me: You gotta roll everything. It makes for a better fit and more stuff can get in the bag. I learned that from white people.
- Tee: White people be knowin'.
- Me: Mmmhmm
- Tee: *rolls*
- Me: *helps*
Today, I went shopping with Tee & my parents to get what is [hopefully] the last of the crap she needs to haul off to school with her on Wednesday.
Tee was testy and snappy with us, to the point of “GRRRR!” on all sides. She was really irking my nerves. I was ready to run out of Walmart screaming and ripping out my hair.
But transitions are hard. As an Early Care and Education Specialist, I know this is true. As a regular old person, I know this. Change is never comfortable, even when it is necessary.
I had to take a step back from the urgency and necessity of the next few days [most of which I think I’ve constructed out of my need to be so damn “ready” for everything all the time] and remember that Tee is probably overwhelmed, frustrated and anxious. She’s never done this before and she’s leaving home to live somewhere else for the very first time ever.
Transitions are hard and kids are people too. Even big ol’ bout to go to college kids.
Tee’s sister Niyah came to visit. Niyah is one of a set of twins (the other being Kiyah) who were born 8 months before Tee was. They all have the same father, who has been deceased for 15 years.
While Tee has grown up in the safety and nurturing guidance of my family, her sisters have been in foster care most of their lives. Their mom is “troubled” and always has been from what I’ve observed.
Their father always wanted them to grow up together & be close. I’ve done my best to facilitate that over the years. When I knew where they were and could communicate with them, I made sure Tee and Niyah & Kiyah talked and hung out. Over the past 4 years, they’ve become regular and frequent visitors to my house. I love that and it has been good for the Twins to have me, their sister & my home be one of the few constants in their lives. They are my girls too and I love them dearly.
Niyah is leaving for college too. She’s headed down to Fairmont State University tomorrow morning. I packed her up some stuff for her hair, made sure she had my number and email address saved in her phone, hugged and kissed her and sent her on her way. Kiyah is staying home for school this year.
They’re all grown up. Smart & capable young ladies. I hope they’re Dad is proud. I’ve done my best with all his girls.
The Going Away Party:
- Cooking food
- Packing food
- Transporting food (Thanks, Tyler)
- Early Guests
- Late Guests
- No Show Guests
- Old friends
- New friends
- Relentless flies
- Uncle Buddy (he always is in a class of his own)
- Random 5 minute rain showers x 3
- Gift cards and cash
- Pack up
- Go home
- Sleep hard
- Wake up
- Count up the gift loot
- Go to Mother & Dad’s house to eat leftovers
- More family
- Crying babies
- Lots of Sangria
- Back home again
- Everyone is in the same boat.
- the first week of school, everyone is clamoring for friends. the friends you make in the first week will, most likely, not be the friends you end up keeping. that’s okay. keep meeting new people and talk to people in your classes.
- don’t start dating someone until you’re settled. or you’ll end up in a relationship with a christian republican boy when REALLY YOU’RE A LESBIAN
- wait at least two months to get a tattoo.
- It’s okay to get food by yourself. The first time you go to the dining hall alone, you’ll feel like everyone thinks you’re a loser and feel really awkward, but eventually you will begin to LOVE sitting down with your laptop and a bowl of cocoa puffs with nobody to bother you.
- you can go to the gym alone, too.
- if someone asks you to do something or hang out, DO IT. I don’t care if you have social anxiety or don’t feel like going out. it’ll be fun. you’ll be glad you did.
- you are going to be overpacked. when you go to Target to get all your dorm stuff, they’re gonna give you a list. You need about 1/6th of those things.
- getting a hot pink refrigerator to match your bright turquoise bed sheets, lamp, and rug, might seem like a great idea, but you’re gonna get tired of this stuff eventually. besides, if it’s from bed bath and beyond or target…suzie down the hall is going to have the exact same stuff. shop around.
- quilts are great.
- If you don’t wanna spend the money on a mini fridge, a small wine cooler works too.
- freshman 15 is a very real thing. even if you make it the whole semester without gaining a pound, you will lock yourself in your room and eat costco-sized boxes of bagel bites during finals. but its ok, you’ll work it off and look even better than before.
- at orientation, you’re going to hear people tell you to join clubs CONSTANTLY. That’s because you should. You’ll meet awesome people who share the same interests as you, and even if you don’t become besties, its great to have a network.
- School spirit is cool.
- Don’t be afraid to go to parties, but use your common sense. Don’t drink and drive, and for the love of god, don’t smoke weed in the dorms. FIND A SPOT IN THE WOODS.
- Can’t decide if you want to join a sorority/fraternity? Go to a few recruitment events and see if you’re a fit. I went, decided I wasn’t, and ended up rushing a co-ed academic fraternity my sophomore year. You’ll find what fits for you.
- When you get your syllabi at the beginning of the year, most of your classes will have all the assignment dates listed. Put them all on different colored sticky notes on your wall so you can look at it and see exactly what you need to do. Take them down as they’re completed.
- Get a calendar and agenda, and use them.
- College is going to feel like summer camp for the first couple weeks, but eventually it’s going to just feel like home. Your friends become your family. Also, it may not always seem like it, but you’re responsible for your choices now. Know when to marry the night and when to go to bed early. Both are okay.
- Your mom is going to cry when she drops you off. She will be okay.
- And I’ll say it again: everyone is in the same boat. You’re all freaked out, and you don’t have any reason to be. College isn’t like high school. People are, in general, kind and helpful. You will be okay.
- Good luck!
I love this. Gives me hope after a whirlwind and stressful orientation that I just completed.
for any of my followers who are going to college for the first time!
“I was in 2nd grade, riding in the car with Zoe & some other kids to a field trip. Zoe’s dad was driving us. We were all chattering to each other and Zoe’s dad started to talk to us too. Zoe told him “Dad! Please! Why don’t you just shut up?!?” And he did. He shut up. I was shocked. I looked at Zoe and I looked at her dad, waiting for something to happen. Anything. But nothing did. I thought to myself “This is what white families are about??” I figured I must be Black because my family is the complete opposite of that.”
~Tee, recounting the first time she realized she was Black
- Me: What kinda food do you want for your party?
- Tee: Chicken.
- Me: OK, what else?
- Tee: Hot dogs and deviled eggs!
- Me: Let's make a list so we can go shopping.
- Tee: Do people make deviled eggs for other things other than parties? I mean, can I make 4 just for myself?
- Me: I guess so. I don't see why not.
- Tee: Good!
- Me: *reading, eating a chicken wing*
- Tee: What could make you happier than reading a book and eating chicken?
- Me: *ponders* Nothing at all.
- Tee: Reading and eating chicken has to be the best stuff on Earth.
- Me: I'm sure it is.
- Tee: Mommy, I'm leaving.
- Me: I know. Where are you going?
- Tee: Dupont Circle to have lunch with my friend.
- Me: Are we still going to Target today?
- Tee: Yes, I'll call you when I'm on my way back home. Be ready.
- Me: OK.